Protection is a function of strength, not gender
pitā rakṣati kaumāre bhartā rakṣati yauvane |
rakṣanti sthavire putrā na strī svātantryamarhati ||
( #Manusmriti Verse 9.3)
Translation: The father guards her during virginity, the husband guards her in youth, the sons guard her in old age; the woman is never fit for independence.
On paper, it sounds noble. In reality, it raises a tougher question:
What happens when the father himself is terrified of the world he’s supposed to protect his daughter from?
Because protection is not a physical act alone.
Protection is a psychological function.
And if the father’s internal landscape is dominated by fear, compliance, insecurity, or the need to appear “safe” to society rather than actually keep his daughter safe, then the entire foundation collapses.
The Psychology Behind Fear-Driven Parenthood
A father who is chronically anxious, conflict-averse, or socially fearful can do something subtle but extremely damaging:
He could outsource decisions to whatever soothes HIS ANXIETIES, not what secures his daughter’s life.
He doesn't select a suitable husband;
he selects a socially safe husband.
He doesn’t defend his daughter in conflicts;
he defends his position in the community.
He doesn’t evaluate whether her partner has integrity;
he evaluates whether the marriage makes him appear “stable” to society.
Such a father does NOT “protect.”
He simply manages his own nervous system, often at the expense of his daughter’s wellbeing.
Patriarchy advertises itself as “men are protectors,” but the psychology behind it is far more complex.
Because true protection requires: emotional courage, conflict tolerance, responsibility, the ability to take a stand, empathy, foresight, and the capacity to prioritize wellbeing over social image.
Many men raised in rigid patriarchal cultures lack these very skills.
They are trained to obey, suppress emotions, maintain social approval, and avoid shame—not to protect.
The result?
Women are told they will be protected by men who were never taught to protect anything—not even themselves.
Across cultures, psychologists observe this cycle:
The father is fearful or socially anxious.
He avoids conflict, avoids risk, avoids decisions that require responsibility.
He marries his daughter off to someone who feels “safe” to HIM, not someone who will keep HER safe.
The husband, coming from similar conditioning, repeats the same pattern—unable to support, unable to stand up, unable to be dependable.
The woman ends up playing her own protector, her children’s protector, and often even her husband’s and parent's emotional manager.
And ironically, she is still told:
“Your father and husband are your protectors.”
So Should Capable Women Wait for Protection?
Many Fear-Driven Husbands Don’t Just Fail to Protect—They Actively Harm. Sometimes such husbands are even willing to throw their wives under the bus for the slightest social discomfort—pitting people against her, siding with outsiders to appear virtuous and seek admiration, and sacrificing her dignity just to maintain their own fragile social image.
This is not protection.
This is betrayal disguised as respectability.
Let’s be brutally honest:
A woman should never outsource her safety to someone who hasn’t even mastered his own fears.
Scripture was written in a world where: communities were smaller, physical danger was real, men were raised to fight, lead, and take responsibility, and emotional fearfulness was socially punished.
But when social structures change, and men evolve into fear-driven, approval-seeking, conflict-avoidant adults, the old scriptural model collapses.
In today’s psychological reality:
The protector is whoever has the courage, clarity, skill, and stability to protect—not necessarily the man.
Sometimes it is the daughter.
Sometimes the mother.
Sometimes the sister.
Sometimes an entire community of women.
Sometimes, it is the woman herself.
Protection is about capacity, not gender.
The New Conversation We Need
Instead of teaching girls:
“Your father/husband will protect you.”
We need to start teaching boys and men:
“Protection requires courage, responsibility, emotional maturity, and moral backbone. Develop these first.”
And teaching girls:
“You are not weak. You can build safety structures that don’t depend on fear-driven men.”
If a father or husband is governed by anxiety, social approval, or avoidance, he may appear culturally respectable but psychologically unreliable.
And a woman’s first duty is not to follow the script. Her first duty is to recognize reality as it is, and build safety from there.
Protection is a function of strength, not gender.
And strength is a function of #self-awareness, not tradition.
(I used AI to improve and enhance the english)
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