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I'm Annu Pandey(Asht Sakhi Vrind Devi Dasi), exploring the depths of Vaishnavism, Bhagavad Gita, and socio-spiritual topics. Join our community for insights, reflections, and practical wisdom. Let's navigate life's complexities with divine guidance.

Srimad Bhagavatam 7.11.35:

"O mother, a son who is a devotee of Lord Vishnu is not afraid of anything. He is not afraid of being engaged in material activities, and he is not afraid of spiritual emancipation. He knows that after giving up his body, he will return home, back to Godhead. Consequently, he is not attached to his body, wife, children, home, bank balance, or anything else connected with the body."

"O mother, a son who is a devotee of Lord Vishnu is not afraid of anything. He is not afraid of being engaged in material activities, and he is not afraid of spiritual emancipation. He knows that after giving up his body, he will return home, back to Godhead. Consequently, he is not attached to his body, wife, children, home, bank balance, or anything else connected with the body."

It is normal for a person trying to progress in devotional life to want his/her kids to take that path because he/she knows the importance of it.

Kids from any regular moderate religious family are generally religious by default. But you will notice that kids from some families are totally against or rebellious against God/Spirituality/Religion. Have you ever noticed any similarities in these families? It's human nature to have a natural inclination towards God the Creator of everything, but what happened to those growing up unlearning this inclination and learning hatred or disgust?

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I have observed that there is a lot of pressure on people who join a spiritual community for their own spiritual growth, for bringing the rest of their family, especially children into the same community, and sometimes this excessive pressure and unrealistic expectations coupled with a lack of patience robs kids of even their natural inclination and love towards Krishna.

Anyone going through this right now needs to read this blog. This blog will also help the religious preachers if they are truly concerned about the spiritual growth of people around them rather than the growth of headcount in their community.

Someone will become a devotee or not is the "fruit of your karma" while you try your best efforts in bringing them to devotion is "your karma". So anyone familiar with the teachings of BG must understand that we must not be attached to the fruits of Karma because it will only bring Stress in our life affecting the efficiency to perform Karma itself.
I am seeing so much stress and guilt in parents around me for not being able to make their kids perfect devotees in the eyes of fellow devotees. To be honest, a few years back I also stood in the same crowd being unfair and abusive towards my kids and forcing them to become what I thought was an ideal version of a devotee child. On the inside, I always felt that something was wrong but didn't know what? The guilt of not being able to make them look perfect devotees was far heavier than the guilt of mistreating them in this process.
The safest place that someone can acquire while being inside or outside this material body is "The lotus feet of Lord Krishna". But how to get there and how to bring other especially your loved ones there.
If you are really interested that your children or the children you are preaching must become good devotees, you must consider these points in your parenting:-
Set an example with your own attitude and services. Watch your words and actions in front of the kids. They understand and absorb way more than you think. Enjoying a youtube video in their presence and telling them to not watch cartoons is something they cannot understand.
Bhagavad Gita 3.21:
"Whatever action is performed by a great man, common men follow in his footsteps. And whatever standards he sets by exemplary acts, all the world pursues."
This verse highlights the significance of exemplary behavior and the impact it has on others, including children. It suggests that the actions and conduct of influential individuals have a ripple effect on society, with others tending to emulate their behavior.
Set realistic expectations. There was only one Prahalad Maharaj and only one Dhruva Maharaj. Stop quoting their names while asking kids to carry out unrealistic tasks. Read books on human growth and development to understand the abilities, capabilities, and limitations that kids have during various stages of growth. Reading medical books is not an Aparadha and it doesn't make you unfaithful to Srila Vyasdeva or Lord Krishna. 
Bhagavad Gita 18.47:
"It is better to engage in one's own occupation, even though one may perform it imperfectly, than to accept another's occupation and perform it perfectly. Duties prescribed according to one's nature are never affected by sinful reactions."
This verse reminds us that each individual has their own unique nature, abilities, and prescribed duties. It suggests that it is better to sincerely engage in one's own duties, even if imperfectly, rather than attempting to perform someone else's duties perfectly. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and honoring one's inherent abilities and inclinations.
Do not compare. Comparison creates unhealthy competition and jealousy among compared people. This strategy is good in the professional field for getting maximum output from your subordinates but doesn't apply in the field of spirituality. Compare a child's performance with his own previous performance to appreciate the growth.
Be patient. It is important not only for teaching patience by behavior modeling which is a very important quality of a devotee but also because being patient with kids with positive encouragement helps them to move ahead in the process more consistently.
Srimad Bhagavatam 11.23.57:
"O best of the Bharata dynasty, despite all endeavors to attain perfection, one who has not conquered the mind and senses can never have a predominance of patience. And without patience, no one can attain the perfection of yoga."
This verse highlights the importance of conquering the mind and senses in order to cultivate patience. It teaches that without developing control over the mind and senses, true patience cannot be attained. Patience is seen as an essential quality for those aspiring to attain perfection in spiritual practices.
Do not force. Do not force kids for performing any spiritual practice or learning from a guru of your choice. The way you wouldn't want your parents to tell you who you should have as your guru, similarly, you should leave that choice to your children who they want to surrender to. Just be there with them to guide them as they need and they will find their way.
Bhagavad Gita 3.33:
"Even a wise person acts according to their own nature. Beings follow their nature. What can restraint accomplish?"
This verse reminds us that every individual has their own unique nature and tendencies. It suggests that trying to forcefully control or manipulate others goes against the natural order of things and is ultimately ineffective.
Do not consider their spiritual achievements as yours nor their spiritual failures as yours. No matter what others say, remember that Krishna wants you to focus on your Karma and not on the fruits. Just keep reminding yourself that they will achieve spiritual milestones as per their past life karmas and samskaras. You are here in this material world only to play your part, not for guaranteeing their success in career, spirituality, and relationships.
Bhagavad Gita 2.47:
"You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty."
This verse highlights the principle of performing one's prescribed duty (svadharma) without attachment to the outcomes or fruits of those actions. It teaches that while we have the responsibility to engage in our respective duties and actions, we should not be driven by a desire for personal gain or attached to the specific results.
Honestly focus on your sadhana on an everyday basis and do everything to improve it. Create short-term goals to improve chanting and reducing Naam Aparaadhas. Share your achievements as well as your failures in this process with your family and if asked, explain the underlying reasons to children. This behavior modeling will teach children that it's okay to be imperfect and they will feel safe in sharing their failures with you and will share only true achievement and refrain from pretending to be advancing in bhakti out of fear of being misunderstood by you.
Srimad Bhagavatam 11.20.27:
"Without being serious, one cannot make progress in spiritual life. Therefore, an intelligent person should adopt the process of devotional service and engage seriously in executing the duties prescribed by the spiritual master."
This verse highlights the significance of seriousness in spiritual life. It emphasizes that without a sincere and dedicated approach, progress in the path of spirituality is difficult to attain. The verse suggests that adopting the process of devotional service and earnestly fulfilling the duties assigned by the spiritual master is crucial for spiritual advancement.
Srimad Bhagavatam 11.3.21:
"One who is serious about achieving the ultimate goal of life should fix their mind on the lotus feet of the Supreme Personality of Godhead in the association of devotees, engage in the prescribed duties of devotional service, and control the mind and senses."
This verse stresses the importance of seriousness in achieving the ultimate goal of life. It encourages the practitioner to focus their mind on the lotus feet of the Supreme Personality of Godhead, engage in devotional service in the association of devotees, and exercise control over the mind and senses. By practicing these disciplines with seriousness, one can make progress on the path of spiritual realization.
If you wish to see your kids follow four principles right from a very young age, be very strict about how seriously you yourself take them, especially in their presence. It is impossible to stop kids from eating or drooling over outside food when you yourself drool over them. Practice the principles honestly and try to implement them gradually instead of abruptly on day one, so that you don't feel burdened by them, because as I said earlier kids are way smarter than we think. They will observe how burdened you feel while following those principles and unconsciously they will reject them for life. Be patient with yourself in inculcating rules and regulations in your life and when you are comfortable living that lifestyle, introduce it lovingly in your kids' life and again be patient. Do not force them if you wish well for them.
Bhagavad Gita 2.58:
"One who is able to withdraw the senses from their objects, just as a tortoise withdraws its limbs within the shell, is firmly situated in divine consciousness."
This verse illustrates the importance of withdrawing the senses from their objects. It uses the analogy of a tortoise retracting its limbs within its shell to highlight the need for self-control and sensory restraint. By practicing sensory withdrawal, one can attain a state of inner stability and spiritual awareness.
Bhagavad Gita 3.41:
"Therefore, with the weapon of self-control, cut down the strong enemy in the form of sense gratification that resides within the senses and the mind."
This verse portrays sense gratification as the enemy that needs to be subdued through the weapon of self-control. It emphasizes the necessity of restraining the senses and the mind from seeking external stimulation and sensual pleasures. By practicing self-control, one can overcome the distractions of the senses and focus on the path of spiritual growth.
Bhagavad Gita 5.26:
"One who can control the senses, keeping them under full control, and fix their consciousness on Me (Krishna), is known as a person of steady intelligence."
This verse highlights the importance of controlling the senses and directing one's consciousness towards the divine. It underscores the connection between sense control and steady intelligence. By restraining the senses and focusing the mind on Krishna or the Supreme, one can develop unwavering intelligence and spiritual clarity.
Guide them, educate them and leave them to choose. Krishna was God, and Arjuna himself asked him to tell him what to do, still, Krishna never forced him to do anything. He just guided and educated him and then told him to choose what he wanted to with all that education. If the supreme controller didn't control then who are we to control other Jeeves. Bhagawad Gita suggests we guide and educate not to control other people's lives by forcing them to do something.
Srimad Bhagavatam 7.14.3:
"One who cannot deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death should never become a spiritual master, a father, a husband, a mother or a worshipable demigod."
This verse emphasizes the responsibility of parents to guide their dependents, such as children, on the path of liberation. It suggests that a true spiritual master or parent should possess the knowledge and ability to guide others towards freedom from the cycle of birth and death. Parents play a vital role in nurturing their children's spiritual growth and teaching them the path of self-realization.
Be creative. Kids have a very short attention span and they do not understand philosophy so any lecture or drama meant for adults will not be useful in giving them any message or information. Kids love watching the screen as we all know so this can be taken advantage of by showing them Krishna stories and stories of devotees of Krishna. They will enjoy watching it and you will pass the message you want to.
Kids love drawing, coloring, dancing, and acting on Devotional themes. Be attuned with them and allow them to serve the lord as per their talents, interests, age-appropriate capabilities, etc. There should be no comparison or competition. We must encourage them to serve the Lord with whatever talents they have. We must teach them that all services are equal and it's the intention behind the services that matter to Krishna not the social standard of the service. We must show this in our own service attitude. Children learn easily when they see it in their parents and other adults around.
Create a loving and respectful relationship with kids. Respect their boundaries and teach them to respect your boundaries. They will listen to even those instructions they do not like if they have a good bonding with you.
Srimad Bhagavatam 5.18.12:
"No living entity should be killed or given pain for one's own sense gratification, because all living entities are my part and parcel."
This verse highlights the principle of non-violence and respect for all living beings. It teaches that no living entity should be harmed or subjected to pain for one's own selfish enjoyment. It emphasizes the understanding that all living beings, including humans and animals, are connected to the Supreme and should be treated with compassion and kindness.
The credit for the spiritual achievement of kids should be given to the kids only, by other adult devotees and not to their parents because glorifying the parent can cause unhealthy competition between devotee parents of kids and some parents may set up unhealthy expectations from their kids out of that. All kids have different capabilities and potentials in spiritual life as per their past life karmas and samskaras. Unrealistic expectations can lead to unhealthy toxic control by the devotee parents causing stress in the parent-child relationships and mental health of kids.
Listen and validate their feelings. If you dismiss what they feel they will learn this behavior from you and will dismiss your feelings, be it spiritual or material. If you validate them they will learn this behavior and they will validate you. This will open many ways in guiding them on the spiritual path. 
Srimad Bhagavatam 11.11.32:
"A saintly person should never hurt the feelings of others, especially the feelings of devotees. By doing so, one ruins everything."
This verse emphasizes the importance of not hurting the feelings of others, particularly devotees. It highlights the significance of cultivating a compassionate and empathetic attitude towards others' emotions. It teaches that causing pain or distress to others can have detrimental consequences, both for oneself and for the relationship with the other person.
Motivate them in doing those services they are interested in. Motivation isn't shaming for shortcomings, blaming for incapabilities, guilt-tripping for faults, negative unhealthy comparisons with those who are leading or lagging. Motivation means appreciating the efforts and achievements. When we motivate someone we encouraged and support them in doing better by listening and validating their experience so that they can explore and understand the problems and develop the required skills to resolve them.
Allow them to say "No" safely sometimes. Do you obey everything written in Bhagavad Gita and every word spoken by your guru? No. Because this is what being a conditioned human is. We don't even listen to ourselves a lot of times. Because somehow we feel that it's okay to say "No". Let your kids say "No" sometimes without making them feel guilty.
Give them lots of tasty prasaadam.


























































































Adult Children:-
If you came late in bhakti and your kids have already hit adolescence or adulthood then you have to be very very careful in dealing with them:-
Respect the life choices of adult children.  They must have already developed a lifestyle or made life choices on the basis of life principles that you consciously or unconsciously taught them before coming to Bhakti. I have seen parents mocking their children for doing things that only they taught them or encouraged them to do before they came to Bhakti. This can be so hurtful and confusing to children. All their life you told them to follow ABC and all of sudden you laugh at them or ridicule and belittle them for it and want them to follow XYZ. This isn't a game, it's their life. 
It's good that you are enlightened and feel the deep desire to enlighten them as well but adopting negative tactics is not the right way. Use non-toxic positivity to motivate them. Remember, no matter how miserable Pandavas felt, Krishna never ridicules or mocked them instead guided them with love and positivity.
Validate how they must be feeling about this sudden change in family belief. 
Be very very patient with them and do not force anything on them.
Never criticize them, especially in presence of other devotees, they will feel betrayed and start creating a wedge between you two. 
Share what you feel in a very respectful manner. 
Listen and validate their feelings and they will listen and validate your feelings. Pray for them and leave the rest to god.
Give them Prasaadam on daily basis.
Pray to Krishna and focus primarily on your own bhakti and not just on your kids and spouse then everyone else will follow you. True spirituality will bring that satisfaction and peace in your life that everyone would want to follow the path you are walking on.
Love your kids irrespective of their performance in the spiritual or material platforms. 
Loving and caring for them is your prime duty and their fundamental right. Your relationship with them is the core of their life because according to the psychologists this is what decides how your kids will survive and thrive in various ups and downs in life and that's how their personality is created which decides a lot about how they will live their life.
Remember that being a good parent doesn't mean that your kids will excel in every field. They are separate beings from you. They have their own destiny as per their "Prarabhdaas" and you are not here to change their "Prarabdhas". You are here to perform your duties as a father, mother, or preacher by setting an example in your own behavior and guiding and educating them on the right path. What they become is Krishna's department and not ours. 
Hare Krishna!
References:
Books:-
Bhagwad Gita As It Is.-By Srila Prabhupada
Vaishnava Sadachar -By HH Bhakti Charu Swami
Grihastha Niyamavali
Bhakti Vriksha Modules-New Edition 
Body Keeps The Score- By Dr. Van Der Kolk
If you had controlling parents- By Dr. Dan Neuharth
Lectures:-
HG Urmila Devi Dasi
HG Govind Das
HG Amogh Lila Das
Note:-Special thanks to HG Revati Vandana Devi Dasi Mataji and Bhaktin Subhadra for allowing me to use their pics for this blog. They are wonderful devotees of Lord Krishna.
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Asht Sakhi Vrind Devi Dasi
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3 comments

Annu Pandey said...

Please share your valuable inputs about your own parenting-preaching journey

menka mishra said...

Dear Anu!
I have read your blog, it's too good & beneficial. Your hard work, dedication reflects through your whole writing.
May Lord krishna bless you with more significant creativity along with his grace.
Blessings with lots of love 💕 👍 👍
Menka

Annu Pandey said...

Thankyou so much for your appreciation and encouragement. It means a lot to me. :)